Aspergers at work 5 ways to be less annoying

Aspergers at work 5 ways to be less annoying The first step to growing a good career in the face of Aspergers Syndrome is to recognize that this is a social skills deficit, by definition, and work, by definition, is a social skills decathlon. I have written before that for me, the biggest problem at work stems from my own sensory integration dysfunction something that typically tags along with an Aspergers diagnosis. But for someone with Aspergers, its not enough to deal with sensory integration dysfunction; in order to succeed at the workplace, you need some guidelines for bridging the gap between other peoples social skills and your own. So, based on my own experience, here are some concrete rules for doing better at work if you have Aspergers, and maybe if you dont. 1. Spend limited amounts of time with people. One of the things that is alarming to non-Aspergers people is how few friends and relationships people with Aspergers have. But I have never heard anyone with Aspergers lament this. (Temple Grandin is a good example.) Its not something we feel a loss about. We only need a small amount of closeness in our life. What I do hear Aspergers people sad about all the time is a lack of employment opportunity. The way to improve this is to spend less time with people. We can be normal in small spurts. We can look charming and quirky in small doses but in large doses, its overwhelming. So go out to dinner, but then go home. Go to the company picnic, but just talk with people for a little bit. Then leave. At work you do not need to spend tons of time with people. You can be the weird, smart one. As long as youre not too weird. Get along with people for a little. Then go back to your cube. 2. Dont tell your boss. People dont care about your random, personal crap. I know, thats crazy to say on this blog. But Im entertaining or useful, and when Im at my best, Im both. Also, your boss wont know what to do. She cant read 400 pages on Aspergers. Instead, ask your boss questions about social situations. For example, at Brazen Careerist, we just closed a small round of funding. And my boss, our new CEO, sent a thank you to the investors. I emailed him to find out: Should I send a thank you as well? And he said yes. So I did. When you ask specific questions about social situations, your boss will appreciate that you know you dont know. And your boss will think youre coachable. That helps when your boss sees you being a social moron. The biggest problem with people who have poor social skills is that they dont know what theyre missing, so they are not coachable. You will differentiate yourself from this crowd when you ask for help. Ryan Paugh has great social skills. So I ask him a lot of questions, and I watch him. When Ryan Healys parents came to visit, I knew I needed to talk with them, because I was the CEO. I know thats a social rule. But I absolutely completely could not figure out what to say. I listened to Ryan Paugh go first. He said, What do you have planned for the weekend? That was a great line. I wouldnt have thought of it. But I know for next time. People who are typical will think this is an easy conversation to have. Theyve had it before, in another form. People with Aspergers cannot generalize social rules. We have to learn the thing to say in every single situation. 3. Be great at what you do, and a little odd. I write obsessively about how important it is to to be a star. It is actually more important for people with Aspergers. This is the only way to stay employable. You will always be difficult to deal with. You need to make it worth everyones time. Often, people who are really likable dont have to be good at what they do. People just love being around them. And its fair, because someone who everyone likes actually does make the team more productive. Many people who work with me know that Im weird. The first thing Ryan and Ryan said when they got to Madison was that I am totally eccentric. They put up with it. They stayed because I have built such a good career for myself. They wanted to work with me because of that, so they excuse the poor social skills. By the time you get to the mid-point in your career, its clear that the people who stand out as great at what they do are also weird, and they are thinking in odd ways. Its what makes them stand out. So the more successful you are in your career, the more okay it is, and the more expected it should be, for you to be odd. 4. Do office politics by being totally direct. There is office politics in every office. Because office politics is about how people get along. If you have Aspergers, there is not a good way for you to know all the nuanceswe dont understand mean, vindictive, passive aggressive, these are all way too complicated. So we dont do them. This should make people like us, if we do it right. Unfortunately, Ive noticed that much of how I act comes off as mean, even if this is not my intention. So you need to really look at peoples faces. And if you get a bad reaction when you say something, even if you think its not a bad thing to say, you need to stop and ask if you hurt someones feelings. I ask this four or five times in any given day. Are you angry? Most of the time people are surprised that I dont know. But I keep asking. There is no other way to find out. 5. Dont get frustrated by the rules. Recently, Ive been reminded about how hard it was to learn business rules because I had to learn dating rules. I got frustrated about dating. Like Ill never learn. For four dates I didnt understand why people drink on a date. I dont understand why you dont say at the beginning of the date if you want to have sex at the end, so you know what youre leading to. But I tried to just do what other people are doing. It doesnt make sense to me, but I just try to fit in. There are rules like this for the office, as well. Just follow them. Dont ask for any rationale. It wont make sense. Thats okay.